S Rozhdestvom Khristovym!

Yes, Virginia, today is Christmas in the vowel-challenged part of the world.

The Russian Orthodox Church celebrates the Nativity according to the Julian calendar.

Little-known fact: Russian icons are flat due not to lack of skill, but so that they can be easily viewed by all members of the congregation, regardless of their seating position in the church.

New Year, New Perversions

Now that Bush's reelection has eliminated the possibility of terrorist attacks on U.S. soil, we can get back to enjoying life again!

For example, what better time to experiment with the bestiality lifestyle? ZooSkool is the on-line resource for bestiality information, and 'a support centre for people who enjoy (or are interested in) the act of physical love between human beings and animals.'

ZooSkool is not for the faint of heart. You may never be able to look a dog in the eye again.

Equal Opportunity Suffering

Gay marrieds are already starting to file for divorces in Massachusetts -- seven months after gay marriage was legalized.

We're on the record as being against all marriage, but couldn't these people hold on a little longer just for appearances?

Even black people waited more than 20 years before they started acting up.

Missing Body Parts Outnumber Body Bags

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that using combat death tolls to communicate the intensity of an armed conflict is no longer justifiable.

Medical personnel in the field save more lives, but for every 10 combat deaths, about 100 troops are injured, many seriously enough that they would not have survived in Vietnam.

Natalie Portman Just Ain't 'Folks'

Actress-we've-never-seen Natalie Portman has issued an apology for a statement she claims was -- surprise -- an incomplete thought.

An interview in August's Allure magazine (not pictured here), quoted Portman as saying 'I'm not black, but I know what it feels like.'

Portman has a written a letter stating that the pronoun 'it' was 'not intended to signify that I know "how black people feel" but rather that I know what Dubois' (Souls of Black Folk author W.E.B. DuBois) concept of double-consciousness feels like.'

Wow! How many times did Portman have to blow Henry Louis Gates to get that kind of an education?

Tintin's Head Examined

A team of Canadian researchers believe they have discovered why Tintin, the intrepid boy reporter, has exhibited no post-adolescent growth after 1929.

Their study posits that Tintin has acquired growth hormone deficiency and hypogonadotropic hypogonadism, as a result of 50 significant losses of consciousness during his 75 year-long career.

A 2000 study, also published in the Canadian Medical Association Journal, diagnosed Winnie-the-Pooh with co-existing ADHD and OCD.

Interracial Couple Hall Of Fame: The Davises

In 1960, song-and-dance man Sammy Davis, Jr. married Swedish-born actress May Britt.

More than half of U.S states forbade interracial marriages in 1960, and the fact that their union was that of an Afro-Hispanic man and a European woman certainly did not sit well.

Even JFK reportedly insisted that an aide hide Britt during a meeting of black leaders before the press photographers spotted her.

After her divorce from Sammy, Britt stuck to raising her three kids with Sammy. She eventually married another Swede.

carefreemistrust salutes you.

Kristmas Party Kock-Up

The British National Party, whose platform is 'to preserve the British race,' inadvertently hired a black DJ for its Christmas party.

Apparently, the DJ -- named Derek -- was a last-minute replacement, prompting a classic explanation: "It was a bit of a cock-up... he sounded white over the phone."

The BNP has fired back that the DJ 'proved most professional and was, in turn, treated with the utmost courtesy.'

'White-sounding,' professional, and named 'Derek': Bill Cosby would be proud!

Every Which Way

Wired magazine examines the future of traffic engineering in the U.S. and abroad.

Apparently, road designers are discovering that roads are sometimes safer if they lack traffic signals, road signs, and directional markers.

Amway Cult Leader Dead

Jay Van Andel, the Bill Wilson of the multi-level marketing scheme, has died.

Van Andel was a co-founder of the Amway Corporation, the world's largest and most successful legal pyramid scheme.

Have you ever, as we have, had a friend stop by for a chat only to present a sales pitch for Amway products and to ask you to join the Amway 'team'? Do you remember the glassy-eyed stare and the aura of contentment, even as you politely, yet quickly, ushered them out of your house?

Then you will join us in a symbolic expectoration upon this man's grave.

S Rozhdestvom Khristovym!

Yes, Virginia, today is Christmas in the vowel-challenged part of the world.

The Russian Orthodox Church celebrates the Nativity according to the Julian calendar.

Little-known fact: Russian icons are flat due not to lack of skill, but so that they can be easily viewed by all members of the congregation, regardless of their seating position in the church.

New Year, New Perversions

Now that Bush's reelection has eliminated the possibility of terrorist attacks on U.S. soil, we can get back to enjoying life again!

For example, what better time to experiment with the bestiality lifestyle? ZooSkool is the on-line resource for bestiality information, and 'a support centre for people who enjoy (or are interested in) the act of physical love between human beings and animals.'

ZooSkool is not for the faint of heart. You may never be able to look a dog in the eye again.

Equal Opportunity Suffering

Gay marrieds are already starting to file for divorces in Massachusetts -- seven months after gay marriage was legalized.

We're on the record as being against all marriage, but couldn't these people hold on a little longer just for appearances?

Even black people waited more than 20 years before they started acting up.

Missing Body Parts Outnumber Body Bags

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that using combat death tolls to communicate the intensity of an armed conflict is no longer justifiable.

Medical personnel in the field save more lives, but for every 10 combat deaths, about 100 troops are injured, many seriously enough that they would not have survived in Vietnam.

Natalie Portman Just Ain't 'Folks'

Actress-we've-never-seen Natalie Portman has issued an apology for a statement she claims was -- surprise -- an incomplete thought.

An interview in August's Allure magazine (not pictured here), quoted Portman as saying 'I'm not black, but I know what it feels like.'

Portman has a written a letter stating that the pronoun 'it' was 'not intended to signify that I know "how black people feel" but rather that I know what Dubois' (Souls of Black Folk author W.E.B. DuBois) concept of double-consciousness feels like.'

Wow! How many times did Portman have to blow Henry Louis Gates to get that kind of an education?

Tintin's Head Examined

A team of Canadian researchers believe they have discovered why Tintin, the intrepid boy reporter, has exhibited no post-adolescent growth after 1929.

Their study posits that Tintin has acquired growth hormone deficiency and hypogonadotropic hypogonadism, as a result of 50 significant losses of consciousness during his 75 year-long career.

A 2000 study, also published in the Canadian Medical Association Journal, diagnosed Winnie-the-Pooh with co-existing ADHD and OCD.

Interracial Couple Hall Of Fame: The Davises

In 1960, song-and-dance man Sammy Davis, Jr. married Swedish-born actress May Britt.

More than half of U.S states forbade interracial marriages in 1960, and the fact that their union was that of an Afro-Hispanic man and a European woman certainly did not sit well.

Even JFK reportedly insisted that an aide hide Britt during a meeting of black leaders before the press photographers spotted her.

After her divorce from Sammy, Britt stuck to raising her three kids with Sammy. She eventually married another Swede.

carefreemistrust salutes you.

Kristmas Party Kock-Up

The British National Party, whose platform is 'to preserve the British race,' inadvertently hired a black DJ for its Christmas party.

Apparently, the DJ -- named Derek -- was a last-minute replacement, prompting a classic explanation: "It was a bit of a cock-up... he sounded white over the phone."

The BNP has fired back that the DJ 'proved most professional and was, in turn, treated with the utmost courtesy.'

'White-sounding,' professional, and named 'Derek': Bill Cosby would be proud!

Every Which Way

Wired magazine examines the future of traffic engineering in the U.S. and abroad.

Apparently, road designers are discovering that roads are sometimes safer if they lack traffic signals, road signs, and directional markers.

Amway Cult Leader Dead

Jay Van Andel, the Bill Wilson of the multi-level marketing scheme, has died.

Van Andel was a co-founder of the Amway Corporation, the world's largest and most successful legal pyramid scheme.

Have you ever, as we have, had a friend stop by for a chat only to present a sales pitch for Amway products and to ask you to join the Amway 'team'? Do you remember the glassy-eyed stare and the aura of contentment, even as you politely, yet quickly, ushered them out of your house?

Then you will join us in a symbolic expectoration upon this man's grave.