Dirty Huns And Sour Krauts

The temperance poster boy that used to be the great Peter O'Toole called Wolfgang Petersen a "kraut" recently, which is an epithet that deserves a comeback.

Just in time, German-born English footballer Bert "Traut the Kraut" Trautmann receives an OBE from Queen Elizabeth next week in Berlin.

After all, kraut only refers to what Germans eat -- in Bavaria, the pejorative term for a (northern) German is Saupreiß, which means "Prussian Sow."

And today is Goebbels' birthday.

Die, Fallon, Die Slowly, Die Painfully

As readers will have surmised, we are not advocates of sport, but we cannot stand idly by while Jimmy Fallon is allowed to befoul America's pastime.

That ugly, unfunny man ran onto the field at Busch stadium to film a scene for the his next box-office bomb, his very presence soiling all that is good and entertaining.

Car Dealer/Commissioner Bud Selig, whose office was created to preserve the integrity and dignity of baseball, is also to blame for this atrocious incident, whose only possible benefit is that now even more people despise Jimmy Fallon.

"Crackhead" Comes of Age

We didn't go to journalism school or nothing, but since when is the word 'crackhead' appropriate for newspaper headlines?

New York's Daily News:
Crackhead kills lover & snoozes, say cops

WABC-TV:
Police: Crackhead Couple's Holdup Spree Spanned Long Island


We don't deny the existence of crackheads, and we love a good crackhead story (who doesn't?), but crackheads have rights, too.

The proper phrase would be alleged crackhead.

When White People Attack

Steven Soper, an 18 year-old all-but-GED Marine recruit, tried to stab his girlfriend with a screwdriver when she announced that she was leaving him and that she was voting for John Kerry for president.

Across the pond, a 37 year-old Englishwoman attacked her neighbors after they rebuffed her wife-swapping proposal.

Unfortunately, the neighbors were immigrant Portugese in their twenties, and had no desire to appease the bloated, pasty-white, tooth-free lust of the dissipated locals.

Blackmail Alive And Well

Persons unknown told online bookie Blue Square that they would disseminate child pornography in Blue Square's name via e-mail unless the company coughed up €7,000.

Historically, online blackmailers have limited themselves to denial of service attacks, shutting down e-commerce sites who wouldn't pay them the protection money.

It's so charmingly old-fashioned, it's hard for us to feel outraged.


[via Slashdot]

Encyclopaedic Porn

Using the Internet for good and not evil, someone is attempting to document porn movies whose titles parody 'real' movies.

All That Jizm, Raiders Of The Lost Arse -- what memories!

The site invites contributions; are we the only ones who remember Fleshdance?

Nappy-Headed Jesus

A British newspaper has resurrected the old "Jesus was black" thing by naming the King of Kings the number one black icon in history, on a list with Oprah and Bob Marley.

Poppycock, say we. The Lamb Without Blemish resembled neither Jeffrey Hunter, nor Bernie Mac.

We think the Author of Salvation looked exactly like Sacramento Kings forward David Bluthenthal.

We Shall Overcome... With Blackjack

Las Vegas casinos have pumped millions into an effort to legalize gambling in Nebraska.

They've also brought in Katharine Spilde, an "expert" who says that casinos provide well-paying jobs and career opportunities that many other employers can't match.

Since Spilde is a fellow with the Harvard Project on American Indian Economic Development, we can only assume that Harvard has a somewhat avant-garde view on what constitutes "development."

What does the Harvard Project on African-American Development advocate? Legalizing the sale of crack?

Jews In Basketball: The Shortlist

Quick - guess how many Jews are in the NBA? Only one, and even he is brown!

David Bluthenthal of the Sacramento Kings carries the mantle of Jewish excellence all alone in his chosen field.

Amazingly, there are 36 Jews in the NCAA.

Where do they all go after college? We demand an investigation!

Guardian to Bush: Drop Dead

Guardian Unlimited columnist Charlie Brooker called Bush a "lying, sniggering, drink-driving, selfish, reckless, ignorant, dangerous, backward, drooling, twitching, blinking, mouse-faced little cheat" in his weekend column, and also expressed the desire to see someone shoot him.

Rule Britannia, even though the Guardian apologized.

If Mr. Brooker's comment offended you, perhaps you should register as a U.S. patriot.

Interracial Couple Hall of Fame: The Eberts

We still remember the morning Howard Stern outed Roger Ebert as half of an interracial couple -- our heart leapt!

Ebert married trial lawyer Chaz Hammelsmith, in 1993, clearly an autumnal romance for them both.

She's a tad mannish, but as we've always thought him a bit feminine, they make a rather natural-looking couple, no?

carefreemistrust salutes you, doubly. You are the first ICHF-ers to appear in the same photograph!

Separated At Birth

SNL's Rachel Dratch and freakshow mascot Nelson de la Rosa!

A cheap joke, but it's a slow news day.

Career Deathbed: Richard Dreyfuss

Barely two weeks after renouncing films, ex-actor and talentless fuck Richard Dreyfuss has dropped out of the London production of The Producers.

Apparently, 56 year-old Dreyfuss is too old to sing and dance at the same time, so who's to replace him? None other than 48 year-old Nathan Lane.

Obvious update: Dreyfuss was likely fired for having a big mouth and no musical theatre skills.

Separate, But Equally Disgusting Halloweens

While white people amuse themselves by dressing their pets up as male strippers and hula dancers, Detroiters are busy rounding up local sex offenders lest they decide to use trick-or-treaters to gratify their sexual urges.

Oh, for the halycon days of razor-stuffed apples and heroin-dipped lollipops!

Park Service Opens Faith-Based Gift Shop

The next time you're in the Grand Canyon gift shop, be sure to pick up a copy of Grand Canyon: A Different View, which explains how the Biblical flood created the Grand Canyon.

After some brouhaha, our National Park Service will continue to sell the book with the approval of the Bush administration.

Suggested further reading:

5,000 Years of Geology: A Retrospective

Fossils: Friend or Foe?

In the Beginning, God Created the Heavens and the Earth, Asshole

Let's Get the Fuck Out: Bulgaria

There's only one word to describe Bulgaria: cheap. But would we want to live there?

It is, after all, the archetypal former Soviet nation-state: provincial, antiquated, and polluted. Bulgarians nod their heads to signify "yes," and wag them when they mean "no," sort of like Vermont.

Pros:

1. Bulgarians celebrate Cyrillic Alphabet Day, and have two Christmas Days. Apparently, December 26 was originally a secular holiday created confound the Soviet ban on religious observance. Cheeky!

2. Cheap, cheap, cheap! The Bulgarian lev is worth about 60 cents, and an expensive meal in Sofia costs about 20-25 lev.

3. The European Commission now considers Bulgaria "a functioning market economy," and is considering considering it for EU membership.

Cons:

1. Bulgaria is building a nuclear power plant. With Russian-made reactors.

2. Oops, looks like they forgot to purge their Soviet-era military leaders!

3. The European Commission: "Trafficking in human beings is a serious problem and needs to be addressed."

Assessment:

Sounds like Detroit, minus the turkey wings. Pass.



Next week: Japan

Herro! Beat Running Dog At Own Game

Chinese company Fufeng has registered the phrase "Happy Birthday" as its trademark in 25 countries, including the U.S., Japan and the European Union.

We tried to find this company on the Internet, but -- oh, right.

Jerry's Back!

In a bold move, the Los Angeles Film Critics Association has chosen to bestow Jerry Lewis with its lifetime achievement award this year.


Book Jerry now for a speaking engagement, before his price goes up!

Mud-Slinging Memories

The American Museum of the Moving Image has an exhibit of presidential campaign commercials dating back to 1952.

Halcyon highlights include Eisenhower's 1956 "Housewife" commercial:

"To be happy, it's important to like your neighbors and for them to like you. So think how really important it is for the whole world to like and respect the President of the United States."

Charming, no?

Barry Manilow: Homo... phobe?

Barry Manilow has apologized for a perceived gay slight uttered during a concert at Madison Square Garden.

Manilow introduced a duet with a male singer by joking, "Of course, we're not going to sing it to each other -- that would be creepy."

Interracial Couple Hall of Fame: Eartha & Orson

Eartha Kitt met Orson Welles in Europe when she was 24. He described her as "the most exciting woman in the world" and cast her as Helen of Troy in his 1951 staging of Faust.

We are not aware that Eartha has explicitly admitted a sexual relationship, and we're too lazy to read her autobiography, but Welles doesn't strike us as the Daddy Warbucks type when it comes to talent-scouting.

carefreemistrust salutes you.

Colored Currency

Every month is Black History Month for us, and today we are pleased to bring you black people on paper money!

The U.S. Civil War Center has an exhibit featuring currency that depicts slaves.



[via Grow A Brain]

More Firemen Crash Than Burn

The U.S. Fire Administration (now part of the Department of Homeland Security) has issued its annual report on firefighter fatalies.

In 2003, more firefighters died driving to and from fires than actually fighting fires; moreover, vehicle collisions were the second leading cause of fatal injury. 16 firefighters died of heart attacks at the fire scene.

Gee, you think alcohol is involved?

Journey To The End Of Detroit: The Clap

Men's Health magazine has named Detroit the STD capital of the United States.

In case you're keeping score, it also has the least nutritious airport food, the worst police, and the unhappiest workforce.

Detroit has, however, been dubbed the "Healthy Sleep Capital," but only because it has a pioneering program to teach poor children how to sleep.

Kinte Korner

First-African-Woman-to-Win-a -Nobel-Peace-Prize Wangari Maathai believes that HIV is a man-made biological agent created to kill black people.

In related news, menthol cigarettes are owned by the KKK, and contain fiberglass.

Prohibition Party Apostasy

Good news, teetotalers! A Prohibition Party schism has produced two presidential candidates on the temperance wagon.

After the historically poor return of 208 votes in 2000, party members gave the boot to five-time candidate Earl Dodge and nominated Gene Amondson.

Dodge refused to accept the ouster, and continues to run as the Prohibition candidate, although his text-only party Web site belies his popularity.

Terrible Turkmen

Move over, Kim Chong-il!

There's a much more amusing megalomaniacal president-for-life on the world stage: Saparmurat Niyazov, known to his people "Turkmenbashi the Great."

Niyazov has banned beards, gold teeth and the circus. He has also renamed the month of January after himself and created a public holiday to celebrate the cantaloupe.

David A "Grower," Not A "Shower"

An Italian anatomist has explained away the minute genitalia of Michelangelo's statue David.

The excuse is that the now 500 year-old statue depicts David moments before his battle with Goliath, and thus he is somewhat nervous.

We never thought about it before, but David is uncut. That's all wrong, isn't it?

Let's Get the Fuck Out: Norway

We turn our attention to the Kingdom of Norway, "the land of the midnight sun."

We actually have no desire to live in Norway, but we admire their pluck for putting up with the Nazis for five years and not joining the EU, so we thought we'd give them a tumble.

Pros:

1. Capitalist welfare states are A-OK in our book!

2. Nearly everyone in Oslo speaks English, thank God. Not that we won't try to speak whatever they speak normally, of course.

3. The United Nations has decreed Norway the "Best Place to Live" for four years in a row.

Cons:

1. Norway's lifeblood is oil. The oil is going to run out.

2. Apparently, you've been in Norway too long "if you actually believe that there is no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing."

3. Fish. We're allergic to fish. A traditional Christmastime dish is lutefisk -- dried cod soaked in lye. Thank you, no.

Preliminary Assessment: Well, the fish allergy combined with the fact that we're also allergic to Lutherans pretty much rules this country out entirely.


Next week: Bulgaria

Weight Watchers As We Knew It

Candyboots has posted a cache of Weight Watchers recipe cards, circa 1974.

For our part, we vividly remember our dear old mother using these to lose the baby weight she blamed on us.

Unfortunately, the Weight Watchers plan proved less successful than her current all-vodka diet, but thanks for the memories!


[via Monkeyfilter]

Interracial Couple Hall of Fame: The Klemperers

Actors Kim Hamilton and the late Werner "Colonel Klink" Klemperer were married in the 1970's until his death in 2000. She was his fourth wife.

Klemperer, son of renowned conductor Otto Klemperer, fled Nazi Germany with his family at 15; Hamilton, reportedly, was married first at age 13.

carefreemistrust salutes you.

Let's Get the Fuck Out: St. Kitts & Nevis

St. Kitt's & Nevis might be our best option yet - fuck Europe!

These British-y Caribbean islands seem friendly enough, and because of hurricanes and whatnot, are badly in need of money and investors.

Pros:

1. Low humidity. We know, it's sort of an obsession.

2. Cute place-names, like Saint George Gingerland and Saint John Figtree.

3. Killer Bee Rum Punch!

Cons:

1. Potential civil war between St. Kitt's and Nevis, which, apparently, has been trying to secede for some time.

2. The death penalty was re-established in 1998. Death penalty and inevitable drug-taking do not mix, especially for expats!

Preliminary Assessment: Now number one on list, and certainly our next vacation, for further information-gathering.


Next week: Norway

Dirty Huns And Sour Krauts

The temperance poster boy that used to be the great Peter O'Toole called Wolfgang Petersen a "kraut" recently, which is an epithet that deserves a comeback.

Just in time, German-born English footballer Bert "Traut the Kraut" Trautmann receives an OBE from Queen Elizabeth next week in Berlin.

After all, kraut only refers to what Germans eat -- in Bavaria, the pejorative term for a (northern) German is Saupreiß, which means "Prussian Sow."

And today is Goebbels' birthday.

Die, Fallon, Die Slowly, Die Painfully

As readers will have surmised, we are not advocates of sport, but we cannot stand idly by while Jimmy Fallon is allowed to befoul America's pastime.

That ugly, unfunny man ran onto the field at Busch stadium to film a scene for the his next box-office bomb, his very presence soiling all that is good and entertaining.

Car Dealer/Commissioner Bud Selig, whose office was created to preserve the integrity and dignity of baseball, is also to blame for this atrocious incident, whose only possible benefit is that now even more people despise Jimmy Fallon.

"Crackhead" Comes of Age

We didn't go to journalism school or nothing, but since when is the word 'crackhead' appropriate for newspaper headlines?

New York's Daily News:
Crackhead kills lover & snoozes, say cops

WABC-TV:
Police: Crackhead Couple's Holdup Spree Spanned Long Island


We don't deny the existence of crackheads, and we love a good crackhead story (who doesn't?), but crackheads have rights, too.

The proper phrase would be alleged crackhead.

When White People Attack

Steven Soper, an 18 year-old all-but-GED Marine recruit, tried to stab his girlfriend with a screwdriver when she announced that she was leaving him and that she was voting for John Kerry for president.

Across the pond, a 37 year-old Englishwoman attacked her neighbors after they rebuffed her wife-swapping proposal.

Unfortunately, the neighbors were immigrant Portugese in their twenties, and had no desire to appease the bloated, pasty-white, tooth-free lust of the dissipated locals.

Blackmail Alive And Well

Persons unknown told online bookie Blue Square that they would disseminate child pornography in Blue Square's name via e-mail unless the company coughed up €7,000.

Historically, online blackmailers have limited themselves to denial of service attacks, shutting down e-commerce sites who wouldn't pay them the protection money.

It's so charmingly old-fashioned, it's hard for us to feel outraged.


[via Slashdot]

Encyclopaedic Porn

Using the Internet for good and not evil, someone is attempting to document porn movies whose titles parody 'real' movies.

All That Jizm, Raiders Of The Lost Arse -- what memories!

The site invites contributions; are we the only ones who remember Fleshdance?

Nappy-Headed Jesus

A British newspaper has resurrected the old "Jesus was black" thing by naming the King of Kings the number one black icon in history, on a list with Oprah and Bob Marley.

Poppycock, say we. The Lamb Without Blemish resembled neither Jeffrey Hunter, nor Bernie Mac.

We think the Author of Salvation looked exactly like Sacramento Kings forward David Bluthenthal.

We Shall Overcome... With Blackjack

Las Vegas casinos have pumped millions into an effort to legalize gambling in Nebraska.

They've also brought in Katharine Spilde, an "expert" who says that casinos provide well-paying jobs and career opportunities that many other employers can't match.

Since Spilde is a fellow with the Harvard Project on American Indian Economic Development, we can only assume that Harvard has a somewhat avant-garde view on what constitutes "development."

What does the Harvard Project on African-American Development advocate? Legalizing the sale of crack?

Jews In Basketball: The Shortlist

Quick - guess how many Jews are in the NBA? Only one, and even he is brown!

David Bluthenthal of the Sacramento Kings carries the mantle of Jewish excellence all alone in his chosen field.

Amazingly, there are 36 Jews in the NCAA.

Where do they all go after college? We demand an investigation!

Guardian to Bush: Drop Dead

Guardian Unlimited columnist Charlie Brooker called Bush a "lying, sniggering, drink-driving, selfish, reckless, ignorant, dangerous, backward, drooling, twitching, blinking, mouse-faced little cheat" in his weekend column, and also expressed the desire to see someone shoot him.

Rule Britannia, even though the Guardian apologized.

If Mr. Brooker's comment offended you, perhaps you should register as a U.S. patriot.

Interracial Couple Hall of Fame: The Eberts

We still remember the morning Howard Stern outed Roger Ebert as half of an interracial couple -- our heart leapt!

Ebert married trial lawyer Chaz Hammelsmith, in 1993, clearly an autumnal romance for them both.

She's a tad mannish, but as we've always thought him a bit feminine, they make a rather natural-looking couple, no?

carefreemistrust salutes you, doubly. You are the first ICHF-ers to appear in the same photograph!

Separated At Birth

SNL's Rachel Dratch and freakshow mascot Nelson de la Rosa!

A cheap joke, but it's a slow news day.

Career Deathbed: Richard Dreyfuss

Barely two weeks after renouncing films, ex-actor and talentless fuck Richard Dreyfuss has dropped out of the London production of The Producers.

Apparently, 56 year-old Dreyfuss is too old to sing and dance at the same time, so who's to replace him? None other than 48 year-old Nathan Lane.

Obvious update: Dreyfuss was likely fired for having a big mouth and no musical theatre skills.

Separate, But Equally Disgusting Halloweens

While white people amuse themselves by dressing their pets up as male strippers and hula dancers, Detroiters are busy rounding up local sex offenders lest they decide to use trick-or-treaters to gratify their sexual urges.

Oh, for the halycon days of razor-stuffed apples and heroin-dipped lollipops!

Park Service Opens Faith-Based Gift Shop

The next time you're in the Grand Canyon gift shop, be sure to pick up a copy of Grand Canyon: A Different View, which explains how the Biblical flood created the Grand Canyon.

After some brouhaha, our National Park Service will continue to sell the book with the approval of the Bush administration.

Suggested further reading:

5,000 Years of Geology: A Retrospective

Fossils: Friend or Foe?

In the Beginning, God Created the Heavens and the Earth, Asshole

Let's Get the Fuck Out: Bulgaria

There's only one word to describe Bulgaria: cheap. But would we want to live there?

It is, after all, the archetypal former Soviet nation-state: provincial, antiquated, and polluted. Bulgarians nod their heads to signify "yes," and wag them when they mean "no," sort of like Vermont.

Pros:

1. Bulgarians celebrate Cyrillic Alphabet Day, and have two Christmas Days. Apparently, December 26 was originally a secular holiday created confound the Soviet ban on religious observance. Cheeky!

2. Cheap, cheap, cheap! The Bulgarian lev is worth about 60 cents, and an expensive meal in Sofia costs about 20-25 lev.

3. The European Commission now considers Bulgaria "a functioning market economy," and is considering considering it for EU membership.

Cons:

1. Bulgaria is building a nuclear power plant. With Russian-made reactors.

2. Oops, looks like they forgot to purge their Soviet-era military leaders!

3. The European Commission: "Trafficking in human beings is a serious problem and needs to be addressed."

Assessment:

Sounds like Detroit, minus the turkey wings. Pass.



Next week: Japan

Herro! Beat Running Dog At Own Game

Chinese company Fufeng has registered the phrase "Happy Birthday" as its trademark in 25 countries, including the U.S., Japan and the European Union.

We tried to find this company on the Internet, but -- oh, right.

Jerry's Back!

In a bold move, the Los Angeles Film Critics Association has chosen to bestow Jerry Lewis with its lifetime achievement award this year.


Book Jerry now for a speaking engagement, before his price goes up!

Mud-Slinging Memories

The American Museum of the Moving Image has an exhibit of presidential campaign commercials dating back to 1952.

Halcyon highlights include Eisenhower's 1956 "Housewife" commercial:

"To be happy, it's important to like your neighbors and for them to like you. So think how really important it is for the whole world to like and respect the President of the United States."

Charming, no?

Barry Manilow: Homo... phobe?

Barry Manilow has apologized for a perceived gay slight uttered during a concert at Madison Square Garden.

Manilow introduced a duet with a male singer by joking, "Of course, we're not going to sing it to each other -- that would be creepy."

Interracial Couple Hall of Fame: Eartha & Orson

Eartha Kitt met Orson Welles in Europe when she was 24. He described her as "the most exciting woman in the world" and cast her as Helen of Troy in his 1951 staging of Faust.

We are not aware that Eartha has explicitly admitted a sexual relationship, and we're too lazy to read her autobiography, but Welles doesn't strike us as the Daddy Warbucks type when it comes to talent-scouting.

carefreemistrust salutes you.

Colored Currency

Every month is Black History Month for us, and today we are pleased to bring you black people on paper money!

The U.S. Civil War Center has an exhibit featuring currency that depicts slaves.



[via Grow A Brain]

More Firemen Crash Than Burn

The U.S. Fire Administration (now part of the Department of Homeland Security) has issued its annual report on firefighter fatalies.

In 2003, more firefighters died driving to and from fires than actually fighting fires; moreover, vehicle collisions were the second leading cause of fatal injury. 16 firefighters died of heart attacks at the fire scene.

Gee, you think alcohol is involved?

Journey To The End Of Detroit: The Clap

Men's Health magazine has named Detroit the STD capital of the United States.

In case you're keeping score, it also has the least nutritious airport food, the worst police, and the unhappiest workforce.

Detroit has, however, been dubbed the "Healthy Sleep Capital," but only because it has a pioneering program to teach poor children how to sleep.

Kinte Korner

First-African-Woman-to-Win-a -Nobel-Peace-Prize Wangari Maathai believes that HIV is a man-made biological agent created to kill black people.

In related news, menthol cigarettes are owned by the KKK, and contain fiberglass.

Prohibition Party Apostasy

Good news, teetotalers! A Prohibition Party schism has produced two presidential candidates on the temperance wagon.

After the historically poor return of 208 votes in 2000, party members gave the boot to five-time candidate Earl Dodge and nominated Gene Amondson.

Dodge refused to accept the ouster, and continues to run as the Prohibition candidate, although his text-only party Web site belies his popularity.

Terrible Turkmen

Move over, Kim Chong-il!

There's a much more amusing megalomaniacal president-for-life on the world stage: Saparmurat Niyazov, known to his people "Turkmenbashi the Great."

Niyazov has banned beards, gold teeth and the circus. He has also renamed the month of January after himself and created a public holiday to celebrate the cantaloupe.

David A "Grower," Not A "Shower"

An Italian anatomist has explained away the minute genitalia of Michelangelo's statue David.

The excuse is that the now 500 year-old statue depicts David moments before his battle with Goliath, and thus he is somewhat nervous.

We never thought about it before, but David is uncut. That's all wrong, isn't it?

Let's Get the Fuck Out: Norway

We turn our attention to the Kingdom of Norway, "the land of the midnight sun."

We actually have no desire to live in Norway, but we admire their pluck for putting up with the Nazis for five years and not joining the EU, so we thought we'd give them a tumble.

Pros:

1. Capitalist welfare states are A-OK in our book!

2. Nearly everyone in Oslo speaks English, thank God. Not that we won't try to speak whatever they speak normally, of course.

3. The United Nations has decreed Norway the "Best Place to Live" for four years in a row.

Cons:

1. Norway's lifeblood is oil. The oil is going to run out.

2. Apparently, you've been in Norway too long "if you actually believe that there is no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing."

3. Fish. We're allergic to fish. A traditional Christmastime dish is lutefisk -- dried cod soaked in lye. Thank you, no.

Preliminary Assessment: Well, the fish allergy combined with the fact that we're also allergic to Lutherans pretty much rules this country out entirely.


Next week: Bulgaria

Weight Watchers As We Knew It

Candyboots has posted a cache of Weight Watchers recipe cards, circa 1974.

For our part, we vividly remember our dear old mother using these to lose the baby weight she blamed on us.

Unfortunately, the Weight Watchers plan proved less successful than her current all-vodka diet, but thanks for the memories!


[via Monkeyfilter]

Interracial Couple Hall of Fame: The Klemperers

Actors Kim Hamilton and the late Werner "Colonel Klink" Klemperer were married in the 1970's until his death in 2000. She was his fourth wife.

Klemperer, son of renowned conductor Otto Klemperer, fled Nazi Germany with his family at 15; Hamilton, reportedly, was married first at age 13.

carefreemistrust salutes you.

Let's Get the Fuck Out: St. Kitts & Nevis

St. Kitt's & Nevis might be our best option yet - fuck Europe!

These British-y Caribbean islands seem friendly enough, and because of hurricanes and whatnot, are badly in need of money and investors.

Pros:

1. Low humidity. We know, it's sort of an obsession.

2. Cute place-names, like Saint George Gingerland and Saint John Figtree.

3. Killer Bee Rum Punch!

Cons:

1. Potential civil war between St. Kitt's and Nevis, which, apparently, has been trying to secede for some time.

2. The death penalty was re-established in 1998. Death penalty and inevitable drug-taking do not mix, especially for expats!

Preliminary Assessment: Now number one on list, and certainly our next vacation, for further information-gathering.


Next week: Norway